Although I’ve had three trips so far, I have been hesitating to post anything. The last three trips have left me grappling with the true meaning of what I have experienced. It is difficult to put it in words. It seems to me that what I experienced was at a higher level/dimension (?) and now I can only describe the memory of it from my present state of lower level or ‘normal’ consciousness. There were many concepts/truths that dawned on me, some about the nature of human relationships and some general concepts about Cannabis and altered consciousness. I shall be writing about them in the subsequent posts.
In the last three tips, I experieced, what I would call, for a want of a better word, revelations. These were not like thought out ideas or solutions to problems that we normally indulge in, in our normal consciousness. It was like, what the Sufis describe, ‘direct apprehension’ ! I just began to’ know’ certain things. I am not a very social person, nor a very pleasant one. I am impatient, short tempered and lack tolerance. I have been having a major problem in getting along with one of my aged aunts who was in my care. (In India we do not leave our elders in old age home but they are looked after by their children or relatives) During this trip, I came to ‘know’ exactly what was wrong with my attitude towards her, why did I always react to her the way that I did and what was the solution. This process was not so simple, as if some voice from the heavens was telling me what to do !! Actual it dawned in slowly. At first there was extreme frustration and anger. As if I was trapped in this situation with her and there was no way out and as a result my suffering would go on and on it was a terrible feeling…..and then suddenly as if a spark had been lit in the darkness and I began to feel compassion and selfless love for my aunt… here was my answer…selfless love. We read about these things in religious books and new age philosophy…but reading something and knowing and feeling it is very different. Its like the difference between reading about honey and actually tasting it.
Our behavior and attitude towards people and relatives, pleasant or otherwise, that we have known for a long time is conditioned by our past memories and interactions with them, which are clouded by our prejudices so every time we interact with that person there is this heavy cloud of past baggage hanging over us. As a result the relationship remains stuck in the past, we are unable to create any future possibilities. When I used to interact with my aunt, there would always be, at the back of my mind, these unpleasant memories of her harassing and traumatizing me in my childhood days. In my trip, I did not just realize that I should forgive her and be more compassionate towards this aging aunt, I actually forgave her in that moment and really and truly felt compassion for her !!
It was almost like a higher me/my higher Self had descended in my consciousness and was guiding me. Is this what they call your ‘guardian angel’ ?!!
I knew that when you truly love everyone around you, you will naturally/instinctively do the right thing. You will not need any moral reference/religion to tell you what to do.
I also knew that total Faith and Surrender to God will lead me to what I am searching for. These felt like living truths and not something that you read and hear and the mind registers it without actually feeling it as real ‘Truths’.