I could clearly feel the physiological/physical symptoms in my body peaked almost simultaneously with the dawn of a concept/revelation. There would be a deep labored breath, a slight constriction in the throat and something soft and ticklish, like a wave or a ball bouncing would hit the roof of my skull from inside my head !! And simultaneously an idea would dawn on me.
This effect was experienced in wave after wave. This was the first time that I felt like this. This would have been my sixth or seventh trip. The intervals between my trips has reduced. I am no longer worried about getting addicted. I just know that I wll not get addicted.
Some of the ideas that dawned on me during these ‘peak’ experiences are described in this and the following posts :
A child grows up in our society in a very conditioned environment which permanently damages his psychology and consciousness. In my case the two things that strike most is ‘negativity’. A child grows up with every one telling her/him to’ be careful or you will fall’, ‘don’t do this or this will happen’, ‘you have to be careful about this’, etc.etc. As a result when we grow up and whenever there is an inspiration to do something there is discouraging voice in the background/from the subconscious which mechanically comes up like a spring, to dishearten you. The other thing is being told about right and wrong, about our duties, you should be a good son/daughter/wife/husband/citizen etc. This is right and this is wrong. As a result we set up a very high ideal for ourselves and when we are not able to come up to that idealist image of ourselves, a lot of guilt begins to gather in our subconscious which can be very damaging. The feeling of ‘I am not a good enough daughter/son/wife etc’. keeps pulling you down. At least in my case, the feeling of discouragement, and guilt have been tying me down, preventing me from developing my full potential.
to be continued…